Real Men Don’t Cry — So They Bleed in Private

Gender-Based Violence (GBV) is a very pressing topic in Botswana and has reached an all-time high, with studies indicating that nearly 70% of women have experienced one form of GBV in their lifetime, according to botswana.unfpa.org. While the focus has predominantly been on female victims, it is crucial to recognize that men can also be victims of GBV, often suffering in silence due to societal norms and stigmas. The lack of attention to male victims not only perpetuates their suffering but also hinders comprehensive efforts to combat GBV in all its forms.

The inspiration to delve into this project stems from a commitment to inclusivity and justice. By highlighting the often-overlooked plight of male GBV victims, we aim to challenge societal perceptions, encourage open dialogue, and advocate for support systems that cater to all victims, regardless of their gender. To a certain extent, there is an ideology that males could never be victims in scenarios of violence.

Societal Perceptions and Gender Norms

The traditional roles in Botswana require males to exhibit dominance and a sense of strong emotional resilience. Often, it is said in Setswana that “monna ga a tsholole dikeledi.” It is such statements that often push men to withdraw from attempting to report any form of violence directed at them. It becomes difficult for male victims to acknowledge their experience or even seek help, fearing that they will be viewed as weak or unmanly.

This stigma is compounded by structural barriers within the legal and support systems. Historically, the law and law enforcement have leaned, perhaps unintentionally, towards protecting women, leaving men feeling sidelined. Male victims often fear being ridiculed by police officers or dismissed outright if they report incidents such as sexual assault. Some officers may even treat such cases as a joke, reinforcing harmful stereotypes about male strength and invulnerability. Furthermore, most shelters and support networks are designed with women in mind, leaving very few safe spaces where men can seek help without shame or fear of judgment.

Importantly, abuse against men takes many forms beyond the physical. Emotional, sexual, and financial abuse are often overlooked. Men, particularly those who are unemployed or financially dependent on their female partners, are vulnerable to verbal degradation and emotional manipulation. These forms of abuse are just as damaging but rarely talked about, further isolating male victims and forcing them to endure in silence.

Underreporting and Lack of Support Systems

Due to how the law has seemed to unknowingly bend to favor women, men find themselves in fear of the same law dismissing them if they were to portray themselves as actual victims of gender-based violence. Law-affiliated personnel, such as the police service, also bear stereotypes about men reporting as victims of violence. For example, a man might fear reporting being raped by a woman out of concern that the police officer assisting them would ridicule them for their “weakness” and inability to avoid the situation. Often, the police just label such cases as a funny phenomenon and men as weak.

To add to that, most support shelters that are recently evolving are more female-favoring rather than male-inclusive. Of course, this has been sparked by the rising cases of violence against women. However, men also need a shelter and a helpline to feel warm and comfortable enough to embrace the fact that they too can be victims.

The conversation around gender-based violence often centers around women—and for good reason, given the historical and ongoing violence they face. However, acknowledging the experiences of male victims does not diminish the struggles women endure. Rather, it calls for a more inclusive understanding of victimhood, one that recognizes vulnerability across genders. There is a pressing need to dismantle harmful stereotypes that equate masculinity with emotional suppression and invulnerability. Communities must create environments where men can express pain without fear of ridicule. Legal systems and support structures must also evolve to be more gender-inclusive, ensuring that no victim, male or female, feels invisible or unworthy of help.

In conclusion, the issue of male survivors in gender-based violence remains largely overlooked due to deep-rooted societal norms and systemic neglect. To achieve true gender equality, it is imperative to recognize that abuse affects all genders. By addressing legal gaps, increasing awareness, and creating support groups tailored for male survivors, society can break the silence surrounding this issue. Gender-based violence is not a women’s issue or a man’s issue – it is a human rights issue that demands collective action. Addressing male victimhood in Botswana is not about taking attention away from female victims; it is about ensuring that support is available for everyone who needs it. True progress lies in breaking the silence, shifting societal attitudes, and building support systems that recognize that anyone, regardless of gender, can be a victim of violence. Only then can we begin to heal as a society that truly values the dignity and worth of all its people.

About The Author

Kutlo Bushe Nkoni is a member of the Young Women’s Leadership Club. She is a second-year student at the University of Botswana, pursuing a Bachelor of Science degree in Biochemistry. Beyond the classroom, she is actively involved in leadership and advocacy, serving as a member of the Model Parliament under the Nata-Gweta constituency, where she holds the position of Vice Chairperson for the Health and Wellness Committee. She is a passionate fictional writer, a self-trained debater, and a public speaker, driven by a deep commitment to issues surrounding health and education.